Low sex drive: what is wrong?

In both men and women, a number of emotional and psychological factors can affect amorous feelings. For starters, how you feel about lovemaking can power your sex drive or put a brake on it. If, for instance, you believe that lovemaking is sinful or dirty, you're likely to put a psychological chastity belt on your natural sexual appetites. If you have negative feelings about yourself or your sexual abilities, you may also inhibit your desire. If enthusiasm for your mate or your relationship wanes, it's likely that your sex drive will also ebb.

Sometimes, even if we feel good about sex, about ourselves, and about our partners, external circumstances, such as stress and tension, can really put a damper on sex drive. And if you're not "in the mood," it may be simply because you're tired.

Illness can also diminish sex drive. If you feel sluggish or have aches and pains, you won't feel energetic or relaxed enough to enjoy sex. The aging process can affect sex drive negatively. Chronic diseases, such as arteriosclerosis and diabetes, which generally affect older folks, can decrease energy levels and cause pain and discomfort, making sex less pleasurable. But older people who remain healthy and who adjust their style of lovemaking to accommodate the inevitable physical changes of aging can maintain a healthy sex drive.

Despite the many factors that can negatively influence it, it is possible to enhance sex drive. However, so-called aphrodisiacs such as oysters or Spanish fly are not the answer. The best aphrodisiac is good health. If you do have any problems that might be interfering with lovemaking, see your gynecologist for a checkup.

Sex drive is affected by the mind as well as the body, so it helps to have a positive attitude about lovemaking. Consider sex a natural extension of your love and caring for another person, as well as a way to pamper yourself. Maintaining excitement in a relationship can also prime your sex drive.

Sometimes, even people who love each other and value their relationship discover that they have incompatible sex drives. The partner who doesn't want sex so often might try to show more interest in lovemaking, while the partner who seems to constantly demand sex might try a more low-key approach, helping the other partner develop a deeper appreciation of lovemaking by showing understanding, patience, and respect.

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